12 things you should know before coming to the Kentucky Derby (or Louisville in general)

If you are coming to the Kentucky Derby this year, there are several essential things you should know first. Please keep in mind that this is written by someone who lives in Louisville, KY so these statements are certainly biased and should be taken with a large salt lick.

1. It's pronounced “Loo-a-vull.” If you have a fairly thick southern drawl, you are allowed to say “Louie-ville,” but only when speaking with people who aren't from here.
2. Take a cab because you will never figure out these streets in under 6 months. That said, always have exact change, because the cab drivers never do.
3. There is at least one Walgreen’s or CVS every 100 yards, so never use either one as a landmark.
4. Pack smartly because there a good chance we will have a heat wave, torrential rain and a light dusting of snow, all in during the week of Derby.
5. People from Louisville consider people from Indiana to be backwards, even though they are separated by less than a mile of semi-polluted water. So if you are from Indiana it's best to say you're from Ohio or Illinois.
6. A “Hot Brown” tastes a lot better than it sounds.
7. Louisville has the highest rate of “pedestrians hit by vehicles” in the country (take that New York City!) Don't cross against the light, people will likely swerve to hit you.
8. If you are neither a University of Louisville nor a University of Kentucky fan, it's best not to talk about sports. And never pick a side. Ever.
9. Bourbon is god. Don't even think about asking for Scotch.
10. At Derby, “Pretension” is in the grandstand, “Debauchery” is in the infield and there is no middle ground (and everyone wears funny hats.)
11. For a town named after a French king, we have a lot of Irish pubs. (And we don't consider that to be at all prejudicial.)
12. Allergies, which probably explains the abundance of pharmacies.

By the way, you won't see any people from Louisville actually at the Kentucky Derby, it's for tourists. Locals used to come for the Oaks (the day before Derby), but that's unfashionable these days as well. We pretty much stick to the pubs.

So you want to buy a motorcycle?

It's infected millions of people worldwide for more than a century, and now it's happened to you. You have been afflicted with an incurable disease: “Biker Fever!” The symptoms are obvious: the need to watch Easy Rider on an endless loop, the shortness of breath when walking by the parked motorcycles on your way into a buffet (what is it with bikers and buffets?), or it may be the light headed feeling you get when a large group of motorcycles passes you on the expressway. You yearn for that sense of freedom and to feel the wind blow through your hair! You need to own a motorcycle! But where do we start?

Well, take a deep breath, Skippy, you have some decisions to make! Let's start by asking some basic questions...

Are you married?

If you are lucky enough to be married (yes, my wife reads my articles, hi honey!), this is could be the biggest obstacle between you and two wheels. Let's face it, motorcycles can be dangerous. Although I would certainly argue that cars, trucks and airplanes are equally as dangerous. If your spouse is resistant, you will need to be able to explain that bikes are just about as dangerous as the rider makes them. There are 100 safe riders for every 1 adrenaline-junkie meat-head, but it's those meat-heads that keep showing up on YouTube and the evening news. A safe rider takes steps to avoid spills and accidents before they happen. Steps such as: taking a Motorcycle Safety Foundation (MSF) accredited course, riding during daylight hours and riding sober at all times. If you can also throw in the perk spending quality time together with your loved one in the outdoors, they will come around. Probably. Hopefully.

Time to pick a bike, so what kind is right for me?

There are many different types of motorcycles to choose from. There are cruisers, sport bikes, trikes (three wheeled cycles), touring bikes, choppers, and much more. This is going to be a personal choice so no one answer will be right for everyone. Along that line, further questions to ask are...

What am I going to be doing... short rides, longer rides, cross country? This will determine the size of the bike and engine, not to mention the body type. I love(d) to ride sport bikes, but I'm unable to ride them for more than a couple of hours considering the way you have to sit on them. By contrast, on a touring bike, you can quite literally ride for hours, but it may not look as cool or sleek as chopper or stretched café racer.

So, is comfort or style more important? I never liked windshields. Until I got one. Sure, they don't often look the greatest, but what difference! The little things may make the biggest impact, so be sure to keep in mind what is most important to you.

Foreign or domestic? Purely a personal decision. Bike manufacturers around the globe make great machines, these days. There are fans (and fanatics) of every brand and type of bike and some will swear that theirs is better and all others. But in the end, it's just personal preference. Personally, I've ridden both sport bikes and cruisers, small and big engines, foreign and domestic. My tastes (and body) have changed through the years, so I've gravitated more towards the touring bikes. I get a nice cushy ride and have all the power I'll ever need. The one thing that all motorcycles and riders have in common is the ride. And the thrill of the ride is what it's all about.

Ok, I know the bike I want, now how do I get it?

More decisions, but this one usually comes down to finances. I will always recommend going to a dealer for a couple of reasons, the first of which is reliability. The sales staff is usually pretty knowledgeable and can help you find the right bike and the right fit, both for your body size and your wallet. Granted, you will probably pay a little more than you would to a person on the street or that you would find on a website, but peace of mind can be worth it. After all it's going to be you that has to ride it, or push it if it breaks down!

Am I going to have a passenger? Riding “two-up” is extremely enjoyable, but it can be more difficult as well. Your passenger will need to learn to be a proper passenger (leaning into turns, etc.) and this will take some patience and time. Some advanced rider courses allow you to bring a passenger, this would be very education to you and them. Also, comfort will be key for them as well. Trust me on this.

Do I need a special license or insurance?

In most states, you will need a motorcycle endorsement on your license. However, you can take the written test and get a learner's permit that will allow you to learn to ride under certain restrictions that will vary based on your local laws. If you are a beginner, I wholeheartedly recommend taking a MSF Certified Beginner's Riding Course. This will allow you learn on a smaller, more manageable machine in a safe, structured environment. Most courses last 2 or 3 sessions and will allow you to take your motorcycle endorsement road test on-site. If you are experienced but haven't ridden in a while, I would still recommend taking an MSF Advanced Safety Course to hone your skills. In this type of course, you ride your own bike and learn more complex maneuvers. To be honest, I believe this course saved my life more than once. Classes are usually held spring through fall, but they fill up quick, so look early.

Did I mention that taking these certified courses often entitles you to a nice discount on your insurance. The savings in your insurance could even cover the cost of the course! Speaking of insurance, you will most likely need it in your state (especially if you have it financed), but traditionally the rates are much lower than auto insurance rates.

That about covers the basics. Now take this info and get started! You're on your way to cruising down the highway with the wind blowing through your hair! (Unless your state has a helmet law.)

The 8 Most Underrated Movies In The Past 30 Years

Hype. When movie producers know they have a hit movie on their hands, they hype the heck out of it.  You can't avoid it. Whether it be on television, popular websites or plastered across billboards, you know what the hot new title of the season is, months before it's release. And for the past few years, you can count on the fact it will have to do with either a popular teen novel or a comic book hero (much to my geek heart's delight!) That said, there are other fantastic movies that get overlooked. They fall through the hype-machine's cracks, sometimes to oblivion. In fact, there are quite a lot of them. They are the movies that will be primarily seen in the comfort of your home through your DVD player. (Do they even make VHS anymore?) They are the anonymous movies you scroll through on Netflix or Amazon wondering, "where are all the good (read popular) movies?" For your perusal, I have compiled a list of the these hidden gems. Some are thought provoking, some I consider a guilt pleasure. I'll leave it to you to decide which is which.




8. Hope and Glory (1987)
Director - John Boorman
Stars - Sebastian Rice-Edwards
Snapshot - World War II, London through a nine year old boy's eyes.
My Two Cents - Although it can drag a little at times, the high points make this movie well worth it. Billy Rowan is a nine year old when World War II breaks out. His father, remembering his glory days, enlists. His older sister kind of "sluts it up" a bit. His little sister is all but forgotten (except for one very funny line.) And all the while, his mother tries to keep it all together. It is heart warming at times and laugh-out-loud funny at others.
Best Scene - Any scene where his grandfather appears.  What a hoot!




7. True Colors (1991)
Director - Herbert Ross
Stars - James Spader, John Cusack
Snapshot - Two law school friends take decidedly different paths in life.
My Two Cents - John Cusack and James Spader work well together in this political thriller, although the latter comes off looking like a bit of a weenie at times. Cusack takes what he wants without remorse, but you actually feel for him when he does so. Spader is the person from whom he takes the most, so payback is his game. The story builds to a great climax that has you second guessing friendships and politics.
Best Scene - John Cusack's speech at the end. He should run for office.




6. The Flamingo Kid (1984)
Director - Garry Marshall
Stars - Matt Dillon, Richard Crenna, Janet Jones
Snapshot - Brooklyn teen gets a job at a swanky beach resort
My Two Cents - Matt Dillon as likeable as Jeffery, a kid from Brooklyn (who happens to be awesome at the card game of Gin) who really doesn't know what he wants to do, now that's he's out of high school.  He gets a job (by chance) at a beach resort where he is befriended by a rich card player (Crenna).  And Janet Jones plays his girl friend.  Not a great acting job by JJ, but you can see why Wayne Gretsky is such a happy guy.   
Best Scene - Anything with Jeffery's father, played brilliantly by Hector Elizondo.




5. True Romance (1993)
Director - Tony Scott
Stars - Christian Slater, Rosanne Arquette
Snapshot - Two lovers on the run with a suitcase of cocaine.
My Two Cents - Clarence falls in love with Alabama and they get married. However, Alabama is a call girl with a pimp (played wonderfully by an urban-speaking Gary Oldman.) Well, after ending that business relationship in fine style, they wind up with a suitcase of cocaine and gangsters on their trail. Written by Quentin Tarantino, this movie has it all; action, comedy, drama, violence, etc.  A truly All-Star cast with some great cameos too. 
Best Scene - Dennis Hopper and Christopher Walken.  You'll know it when you see it.


4. The Commitments (1991)


Director - Alan Parker
Stars - Robert Arkins, Angeline Ball
Snapshot - A streetwise promoter puts together a soul group in Dublin.
My Two Cents - I actually fell in love with the soundtrack before seeing the movie, but then ended up loving the movie just as much. Jimmy (Arkins) pieces together a soul band in Dublin from an eclectic group of individuals. Then he tries to manage and keep the band together though all the things that usually break a band up (egos, sex, fighting, etc.) The lead singer is both disgusting and a freaking brilliant singer played by Andrew Strong. What a set up pipes, I'm truly surprised that I never saw more of him.
Best Scene - Any scene where they are playing.




3. Better Off Dead (1985)
Director - Savage Steve Holland
Stars - John Cusack
Snapshot - Comedy about a broken hearted teen contemplating suicide.
My Two Cents - A not-so-dark comedy that has so many gags, you are constantly laughing. Everything that could go wrong in Lane's world, does. His girlfriend leaves him for star jock, his job is horrible, his car sucks, his family is crazy and his neighbors are nightmares. What else do you need?
Best Scene - The punk paperboy... "Where's my two dollars??"




2. Office Space (1999)
Director - Mike Judge
Stars - Ron Livingston, Jennifer Aniston
Snapshot - Guy snaps after his job drives him crazy.
My Two Cents - One of the funniest movies of the nineties from the creator of Beavis and Butthead.  There are so many clichés and stereotypes about the workplace, everyone can at least partially relate. A guy gets hypnotized to help reduce stress, but when hypnotist dies, he leaves him in a "don't care" state of mind. Then at the office, the less he cares, the more he succeeds.
Best Scene - Killing the copy machine




1. Coupe de' Ville (1990)
Director - Joe Roth
Stars - Patrick Dempsey, Arye Gross, Daniel Stern
Snapshot - Three estranged brothers take a car across the country.
My Two Cents - I love this feel-good movie and it holds up well over time. Three brothers who hate each other are forced (by Alan Arkin, their father) to drive their mom's new car from Detroit to Florida. What could possibly go wrong? The chemistry is great, the dialogue is natural and the acting is superb. 
Best Scene - Getting car sick.




You should be able to find these movies almost anywhere. If you haven't seen them yet, take a few minutes and give them a shot. Losing yourself for a couple of hours is one of the best things in life.

First Post... Why am I doing this?

Great question. "Why not?" would be the appropriate response. I'm going back to the keyboard and attempting to delve back into the "World of Writing." (Which coincidentally gets you about as much action as delving back into the Word of Warcraft.)

I've held a plethora of jobs over the past few decades, but I've always come back to writing. It's my first love (aside from Paula Sheitle in the seventh grade) and my dream career. But alas, my first love is a finicky b***** and although I have constantly sought her out over the years, we seem to have only been destined for one night stands or week long binges.

In the fourth grade, I wrote my first short story. It was based on "The Man Who Kept The Secrets," a book my father was reading at the time. When I say "based,"I mean I took the title and wrote my own story that would encompass it. It was the saga of a boy who shared his deepest secrets with a humble store owner. Secrets wrote with agony such as not liking to go to his aunt's house because she pinched his cheeks and smelled kind of funny. Well, in my humble opinion, it was a freakin' masterpiece. This five-page, neatly printed manuscript would be my ultimate achievement as a nine year old; my crowning glory. Until, that is, classmate Billy Martin told me writing stories was for girls, spit on the paper and pretended to wipe his butt with it. Ouch! It was like he was wiping his butt with the still-beating heart he had just ripped from my chest. Luckily the fates intervened and Mrs. Miracle, the teacher (real name I swear), scolded Billy Big Butt (not his real name) and displayed my novella on the Chalkboard of Fame for all to see! It was glorious moment. Until, that is Billy heard me call him Billy Big Butt and beat me up after school. But no problem, I was on my way!

I wrote off and on throughout school and in high school I unveiled another masterpiece. It was the saga of boy who runs way from home and lives on the streets, fending for his own survival on a daily basis. Like Michelangelo, it was my "David." I should pause to explain that "David" was actually the name of my short story and my David wore clothes unlike the aforementioned masterpiece. But I digress. I took typing in summer school and as a project, the teacher let me type my short story into the school's word-processor and save it their mainframe. I was so happy. I even tossed out the hand written draft pages as I entered them in the system. What could possibly go wrong? Well... unknown to us it was regular procedure to erase the memory before the regular school year began. Yep, 100+ pages of my soul were erased by the touch of a button. Gone. (Glass half full, I did get an "A" in typing thanks to my teacher's guilty conscience!) But it would be years before I wrote again, but that's another story for another time.

Well, b*****, I'm back! And I'm not going anywhere (for a while at least.) I'll be posting some old stuff, some new stuff, some borrowed stuff and some blue... wait. My bad, I was on a roll. Well, whatever happens, it should be interesting so thanks in advance!