12 things you should know before coming to the Kentucky Derby (or Louisville in general)

If you are coming to the Kentucky Derby this year, there are several essential things you should know first. Please keep in mind that this is written by someone who lives in Louisville, KY so these statements are certainly biased and should be taken with a large salt lick.

1. It's pronounced “Loo-a-vull.” If you have a fairly thick southern drawl, you are allowed to say “Louie-ville,” but only when speaking with people who aren't from here.
2. Take a cab because you will never figure out these streets in under 6 months. That said, always have exact change, because the cab drivers never do.
3. There is at least one Walgreen’s or CVS every 100 yards, so never use either one as a landmark.
4. Pack smartly because there a good chance we will have a heat wave, torrential rain and a light dusting of snow, all in during the week of Derby.
5. People from Louisville consider people from Indiana to be backwards, even though they are separated by less than a mile of semi-polluted water. So if you are from Indiana it's best to say you're from Ohio or Illinois.
6. A “Hot Brown” tastes a lot better than it sounds.
7. Louisville has the highest rate of “pedestrians hit by vehicles” in the country (take that New York City!) Don't cross against the light, people will likely swerve to hit you.
8. If you are neither a University of Louisville nor a University of Kentucky fan, it's best not to talk about sports. And never pick a side. Ever.
9. Bourbon is god. Don't even think about asking for Scotch.
10. At Derby, “Pretension” is in the grandstand, “Debauchery” is in the infield and there is no middle ground (and everyone wears funny hats.)
11. For a town named after a French king, we have a lot of Irish pubs. (And we don't consider that to be at all prejudicial.)
12. Allergies, which probably explains the abundance of pharmacies.

By the way, you won't see any people from Louisville actually at the Kentucky Derby, it's for tourists. Locals used to come for the Oaks (the day before Derby), but that's unfashionable these days as well. We pretty much stick to the pubs.