13 Things You Will Only Hear In Florida

After living in the Sunshine State for about 15 years, I often reflect back on my former home, my friends left behind, and my children who still reside there. And then I thank my lucky stars I was able to escape. People who live in places other than Florida may have difficulty understanding why anyone would ever move. Others that live (or have lived) there, will completely understand.

The quotes below are things I’ve actually heard Floridians say out loud, and no one around them thought it the least bit strange, including me. In retrospect, it might have been more than a little strange...

73 degrees? Why is it so cold? – It always amazed me how people would bundle up in jackets and gloves when the temperature dropped below 70 degrees. That’s why it’s easy to pick out the tourist from Michigan; they’re wearing shorts and it’s 65%.

There’s an alligator in our swimming pool! – Alligators can appear anywhere in Florida; pools, hot tubs, back yards, in the middle of the street. No reason to be scared unless you are a small dog.

I’m going up north to visit the Deep South – The more north in Florida you go, the more Southern it gets. Miami is practically New York City’s sixth borough and Jacksonville is a really Georgia. 

It’s okay, I have the $27 needed for tolls – No state tax means toll roads galore. The only way to benefit from this is not to drive a car. But of course, no one ever walks in Florida either.

Disney? Not again! – Kids get tired of Disney, but adults never tire of “Drinking around the world” at Epcot. Good times.

What’s a basement? – Seriously, no one has a basement, but everyone has a pool. I can’t figure it out.

Of course it’s going to rain, it rains every day – Every day around 5 pm, it rains. They don’t even count it as “rain.” You can walk in the door at 5:30 pm soaking wet, and the news will be saying we are in a drought. 

Can you count the landfill as a “hill?” – Flat and straight. Makes for great gas mileage if you could afford the tolls.

Our school bus driver is ninety years old today! – And that’s considered young. Not a problem when everyone else is driving 10 miles under the speed limit too. Big problem if you are trying to get to work.

I want to go someplace cold for vacation – It almost seems like a bad joke, but after 60 consecutive days of 90 degree at 90% humidity, you would be booking a ticket to Alaska too.

Did you get the cruise tickets yet? We leave tomorrow – Cruise ship terminals within 2 hours of you anywhere in the state. You could actually buy tickets on Thursday, leave on Friday and be back at work on Monday (although I wouldn’t recommend it.) 

He’s really mad at me because I don’t speak Spanish – Spanish is the numero uno language in Florida, English is a close 4^th.

Of course we get paid less here, it’s Florida! – Unofficially called the “Sunshine Tax,” employers pay 20-25% less in Florida. Thanks “Right-to-work!”

 

Even though I make fun of it, I’ll probably move back to Florida (Heaven’s Waiting Room) someday. There are good people there and a more relaxed way of viewing the world. And besides, it’s the only place you can get a genuine Cuban Sandwich!